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[captain_jtkirk]

Okay, to save time, my name is James T. Kirk. I'm the Captain of the USS Enterprise. I've decided to come here as a Warden... to come back as a Warden?

[He has to ponder this for a moment.]

Honestly, I know I was here before but I must've been wasted the entire time because I don't remember any of it. So fill me in. What happened, what I'd do.

If you have no idea either, then hi. Nice to meet you.

Comments

[captain_jtkirk]

Maybe it'd be better to ask how you haven't all died horribly from the ship running into things constantly. [He assumes you mean this literally and there's like, holes in the ship all over.]

[mistconduct]

I HAVE died. Horribly! This is part of the fucking problem!

[captain_jtkirk]

I'm sorry, what?

[mistconduct]

The Admiral, the drunken asshole in charge of the goddamn ship, keeps steering us into the worst shit imaginable and people end up dead. Me included.

Get your ass upstairs and show him how to pilot, I'm sick of this shit.

[captain_jtkirk]

You're alive right now though.

[mistconduct]

Only in the technical sense of the idea.

[captain_jtkirk]

So you're an Inmate then.

[mistconduct]

You got it, chief.

[captain_jtkirk]

You're very loud.

[mistconduct]

That's just how I roll.

My name's Chris. Or like, Red Mist if you want.

[captain_jtkirk]

There's a story behind that name.

[mistconduct]

It's my name when I'm dicking around in costume.

[captain_jtkirk]

That is not the full story.

[mistconduct]

Calm the hell down, yeah? We're just meeting now for the first time. Do you always fucking interrogate strangers?

[captain_jtkirk]

I'm just curious.

Why are you so defensive? Got something to hide?

[mistconduct]

Wow. Way to show up and be an asshole, holy shit.

No, I'm not defensive, christ. All I said was that my name is Chris. God damn it, fucking wardens on this boat I swear to GOD..

[captain_jtkirk]

We hit the ground running.

[mistconduct]

You want to try running intros again? This time being less of a prick about it?

[captain_jtkirk]

You were the one who opened with the demands. To be fair.

[mistconduct]

To be fair, any moron could see sarcasm like that coming a mile away. You sure you're a Captain?

[captain_jtkirk]

Last I checked.

But you can call me Jim.

[mistconduct]

Cool. Call me Chris.

[captain_jtkirk]

I still want to know why Red Mist as a codename though.

[mistconduct]

You know that pattern of bloodspray you get when you shoot someone in the face and it blows out the back of their head?

Red Mist, motherfucker.

[captain_jtkirk]

Very classy.