captain_jtkirk | .015

"Notice how not dead I am right now."

[Which might be something of an overstatement because he kind of feels like the walking dead. But he isn't a zombie, as far as he can deal. So that's something.]

"It's a Kirk thing. Gotta leap without looking and fuck all the consequences, you know. It's why Pike gave me that stupid dare."

Now being the keyword there.

[There's another turn and the lift before they're on the right floor.]

I don't think that philosophy applies to drinking. [He opens the door to his cabin, waiting until they stumble in before he continues.] You know they're talking about what to do with you three. I can tell you now the majority is against Chekov and I. [He leads Jim to the bed and sits him down before turning to find his medkit.]

[Jim groans as he sits down on the bed, actually sitting for about ten seconds before he flops back on on the bed.]

"They didn't kick me out of Starfleet for cheating on the Kobayashi Maru. What are these Wardens going to do to me? Make me spend a few days in Level 0? Gee, prison. That's not something I've done before."

They're 'discussing' your punishment. [Bones snorts as he rifles through the kit.] Meaning the mob is gathering and simmering over a god damned load of crock. The whole lot of them don't understand a thing about authority and how it's used and needed on a ship. This vigilante, 'democratic' justice is asking for trouble- on a prison ship at that.

It doesn't help that the two people on your side are your crew so they won't listen to a thing we say. [He returns with two pills in hand, standing over Kirk with a raised brow.] Sit up and take these if you think you can stomach them.

"Hear, hear."

[Kirk sighs and forces himself to sit up, accepting the pills and water without complaint because pills he can deal with. Sneak attack hypos to he neck are another story altogether.]

"Do you really not have anything to eat? I'd kill for a burrito right about now."

I'm not dealing with that burrito you'd kill for ends up all over my floor. [He rolls his eyes but walks to the other side of the room, returning with what was left of Kirk's celebratory cookies, not much and a little stale by now but that wasn't his problem.]

[He practically tosses the plate before Kirk, turning to his desk and the glass of bourbon he was nursing before James T. Kirk came calling.] Here's to you getting out of this without testing that revival trick this place has. [He says, raising the half empty glass in mock toast.]

"Thanks, Bones. For toasting to me while I nurse the worst hangover of my life."

[He throws in a dirty look to go with the snide tone he used before turning his attention to the cookies. They are stale and not nearly as good as he would've expected celebratory cookies to be.]

"Relax. Half of them can hardly even handle their Inmates on a daily basis and the other half is too busy ripping out each other's throats. I'm going to get a slap to the wrist and that's it."

[He has no way of knowing that for sure. He's just... cocky.]

Well thanks right back for interrupting my night cap. [He rolls his eyes, taking a seat at the desk and turning to face Kirk.]

I'm on your side but damnit Jim, you're not completely innocent here. You of all people shouldn't take mutiny so lightly. It creates unrest within the crew, even a mismatched, undisciplined group like this. You can't pull something like this again.

"If I do, I sure as hell am not going to tell anybody."

[Jim munches on his cookie, wishing desperately that it was burrito instead but he's pretty sure that he can't convince Bones to go to the kitchen for him right now and he's equally sure that he won't make it on his own either.]

"Just wanted everyone to have a vacation, Bones. After some of the crap that's happened around here, I don't see why that's such a big deal."

You committed mutiny and usurped a figure of power aboard a dangerous ship. It's going to create unrest. [He gives Kirk a pointed look before turning back to his glass.] You'll probably end up in the brig for a week. You can keep largo company, two tomcats boarding together. [He sighs and takes a drink.]

"Great. Maybe he can be my conjugal visit too."

[Kirk finishes off the last of the cookies and moves to stretch out on McCoy's bed. His head is feeling better but the room is still spinning a little and lying down helps with that.]

"You said you had my shirt? Where'd you find it?"

Spare me the nightmares. [He finishes his drink and stands again after a pause, grabbing the shirt from his desk and tossing it at Kirk's head.]

It was lying around after your Roman drunken escapades. Only you would end up buying a man that hated you. [He glances down at Kirk with a raised brow.]

[Jim starts laughing softly because while it isn't as funny as it was before, it's still kind of ironic that he bought Sam.

He grabs the shirt, bunches it up, and uses it as a pillow.]

"I got into a fight in the gladiator ring with my ex Inmate too, did I tell you that? Not the Marquis, the one I had before him. That was fun."

You what? [He presses a hand to his temple.] Damnit Jim, do you enjoy trying to get yourself killed?

"I never even came close to dying this weekend."

[Which may or may not be the truth. The real truth is that he doesn't remember half of the weekend. Just the highlights and some really weird shit that he's pretty sure is just a dream.]

"Why do you assume that everything that is even a little bit fun is going to kill me?"

Forgive me Jim, you've never exactly proven your sense of self preservation was strong. [He says sarcastically, and sighs.]

"Stop being grumpy over something that's not even your problem." [Kirk more or less says this into his shirt turned pillow, curling around it tighter.] "And I take risks. Who cares? It's my life. I'll do what I want with it."

It's not just your life anymore. You have over four hundred people looking to you for guidance, several of them friends who actually give a damn about that life of yours. [He half glares, half simply regards Kirk, unsure if he even wants to touch this subject right now. It was a damned long day- he's not sure he'd have the energy for it on a good one.] You know sometimes I wonder if you realize that.

[Kirk sighs, debating throwing the wadded up shirt at his friend and then following it up with a punch, just because that's how he deals with emotional shit. He beats it down and fights it off, and never, ever deals with it.

He doesn't throw the shirt but he does sit up, passing his fingers through his hair.] "I'm gonna take my chances with the lynch mob if you're gonna start questioning dedication to my crew."

[It's not really an easy fight to have since they're both on the Barge where three hundred and ninety eight members of his crew are not.]

"I know people count on me, Bones. I'm well aware of that. And you know, they also count on me to save their asses and this hasn't really come up yet but if it's a choice between me or them, it's gonna be me. It's always gonna be me."

I never said I questioned that you idiot. [He huffs, suppressing a sigh.] And I'm not talking about the times it's necessary for you to put your life in danger for them, I'm talking about the rest of the time. Can you seriously, sincerely tell me you aren't self destructive? I've known you for almost four years now Jim, this isn't a new occurrence.

[Right. This is not what he had in mind when he asked Bones to give him a place to stay. He's seriously considering facing the lynch mob. That's way easier then dealing with his issues.

Fuck his issues. Seriously, fuck them straight to hell.]

"Then why are you harping on it now? You have known me for almost four years. You know what I'm like. It hasn't been a big deal before. So why now? The alcoholism really bother you that much? You of all people?"

[He doesn't address that alcohol comment but his tone gets just a bit sharper.] Because Jim, before you always had something to focus on. Academy and proving Pike your ridiculous three year dare, the Enterprise, whatever god forsaken mission the Admiralty would send us on. I never felt the need to 'harp' because, god forbid, you were maturing your own damned way. But now?

[He gestured vaguely.] Every since I got here I've watched you flounder. You've been pulling steadily more dangerous stunts because that's what you do. Admit it Jim, the rest of these idiots may not see it but I sure as hell can. You've always been a god damned ticking time bomb.

"What do you really want me to say, Bones?"

[Kirk glares at him, wincing a little bit because his headache is coming back full force.]

"That I have fucking problems? Gold star to you for that one. You must be fucking psychic or something to figure that one out." [His tone is scathing and sarcastic and full of twenty five years of bitterness.]

"And if it's all the same to you, I'd rather not dwell on them. Can't do anything about them now. Nero's dead. So whatever. Moving on time."

Damnit Jim, "rather not dwell." You brush everything under the table and ride each adrenaline high for all it's worth until you crash. And now there are no adrenaline high, or not enough, and you don't know what to do, do you?

[He glares right back.] What I want is to make sure you don't end up cracking your fool skull open trying to find that damned high. Do you want me to cite regulation? A CMO's duty to make sure the ship's captain is fit for command physically and mentally?

[He sighs, rubbing his temple.] I say it because you're my friend Jim, and you've sure as hell kept me sane. Now stop sweeping this shit under the table and help me here. "Moving on" my ass.

[Something inside of Kirk just snaps right then and he launches into a rant he's probably been holding in since that mind meld with the older Spock.]

"My dad died a minute after I was born. My mother was never around and I'm guessing that she isn't around now because she can't to look at me because I look like him. I haven't spoken to my brother in years and I honestly have no idea where he is. My stepfather is a drunk asshole. The only decent father figure I've ever had is Pike and the only thing he's done for me was fucking dare me to join Starfleet.

And all of it was for nothing.

[Jim is practically seething at this point and he really, really wants to punch something right now. That's what he would've done three years ago.]

"There's some fucking alternate version of me running around out there and he got everything that I don't have and yeah, I'm fucking pissed off that we're living the shitty version of how things are supposed to be. And god only knows what else got fucked up because of Nero. I can't kill him again because I really, really want to."

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