captain_jtkirk | A New Message From Your Captain of Awesome

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A New Message From Your Captain of Awesome

[Like before, Kirk's voice floods the entirety of the Barge. He sounds just as smug as before but now with an even better reason.]

So.

Are we done throwing fits over nothing, children? The Barge is sailing smoothly. No one's been hurt. We're headed towards our new port, which I promise, you're going to love.

And this is a time to celebrate!

My dear Inmate has graduated, it seems! And I think we should all take a moment to congratulate him on his success. You'll all find some champagne in your rooms. Toast at your own convenience.

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Perhaps the only thing I did wrong was telling everyone about it. No one would even have noticed if I hadn't said anything.

But that's besides the point.

It seems like everyone's done screaming at each other for the most part. I'm kind of counting on them being much more relaxed after the port and if they're not, then that is just sad.

Maybe.

They'll probably start screaming again once it comes to deciding what to do with you.

You sure you wouldn't consider stepping down now? Letting the Admiral take us into port? It might make things easier on you in the long run.

Why only me? There's three of us up here in case you forgot.

I'm sure. I have it on good authority that the Admiral hasn't made a smooth landing anywhere in a long time and I think that Han should be given a chance.

All of you.

As long as you're aware that you're not going to get off scot-free, and the longer you drag this out the worse it'll go for you.

That's better.

We'll reach our destination in two or three days. We can talk reprimands after that.

Actually, I don't think you'll be in on that discussion.

Tell Han not to crash land this thing. I don't want to get stuck wherever we're going, if it's all the same to you.

You're not even going to let me watch my own trial? That seems horribly unethical.

I promise we'll have the smoothest landing yet.

I meant, you won't have a say in what your 'reprimand' will be. Stand back and gawk to your heart's content. Hell, if the people around here are feeling charitable they might even listen to some kind of explanation if you've got one. If they don't rip your head off first.

Good.

Not allowing someone to defend himself in a trial is also horribly unethical.

Maybe you should have thought of how angry and uncharitable people around here would be feeling before you pissed off or alienated almost all of them.

You're really doing nothing to inspire me to cooperate.

The Wardens here really are overgrown children, aren't they? I'm not saying I'm a shining example of maturity but at least I admit it.

A group is only as smart and mature as its stupidest and most immature member. You admitting it, though, is actually a little refreshing.

Everything that's been said about me is probably true is some form or another.

Except for the stupid comments. I'm impulsive, there's a difference.

If you were stupid, I doubt you'd have been able to take over the ship.

The general impression I've gotten from speaking to you and your friends is that you're an immature but intelligent pain in the ass who's probably saved at least a few thousand lives and could be a great leader if he'd wise up a little and tone down the attitude.

A few billion lives actually. Lots of people live on Earth, I hear.

But yeah, that about sums me up. Maybe tack on an addiction to adrenaline and that I wasn't hugged enough as a child and there I am.

Oh and I'm great in bed.

Saved the planet?

Just a little bit.

It's more or less safe to say that Earth would be a black hole right now if it weren't for my actions. Not a lot of them were within regulations but that's not really the point everyone focused on after.

Not bad. Just try and keep a little perspective. I dated a girl who'd saved the world five or six times before she was twenty.

I feel so lazy now.

I'm just saying, don't get cocky. You're not god's gift to apocalypse-aversion.

Not yet. Apparently I turn into the greatest Starfleet Captain ever. Ask Janeway. She'll tell you.

Right now, Janeway's your biggest critic.

She's just pissy because I don't match up to something she read about in a history book. Which is naive because everyone knows that history books lie and glaze over everything unpleasant.

Yeah, that's the truth.

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A New Message From Your Captain of Awesome

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