A Message From Your New Captain

[captain_jtkirk]

[Much like when the Admiral makes his announcements, the voice of one James T. Kirk floods the hallways and rooms of the Barge and he sounds oh so very pleased with himself.]

Attention people of the Barge.

We've had ourselves a little adventure recently and I won't bore you with the details because it's a long though at times, riveting tale. So I'll just cut to the chase: our dear Admiral isn't running this thing anymore.

I am.

James T. Kirk for those of you haven't had the pleasure. Along with Captain Harkness and Captain Solo who is taking control of the helm.

And yeah. That's all.

Have a nice day.

[ooc: Plot questions go here. IC freak outs or congratulations or WTFGETDOWNFROMTHERE happen here.]

Comments

voice and private

[captain-jtkirk.livejournal.com]

They are truly a bunch of ungrateful children.

Don't you know, Bones? This kind of means that I've won.

voice and private

[hyposprayed.livejournal.com]

It's a prison, what do you expect?

Like hell you did. Once things calm down your ungrateful ass is getting dragged to this sickbay even if you go kicking and screaming like usual.

voice and private

[captain-jtkirk.livejournal.com]

You can't find me either, you know.

voice and private

[hyposprayed.livejournal.com]

I sure as hell better not be able to, because if I can several others will be able to at that.

voice and private

[captain-jtkirk.livejournal.com]

Bones, trust me on this, no one is getting in here.

voice and private

[hyposprayed.livejournal.com]

Have fun locked up in your castle.

voice and private

[captain-jtkirk.livejournal.com]

I'd invite you up here but I'm afraid you'll stab me with a needle.

voice and private

[hyposprayed.livejournal.com]

It's the thought that counts. If you want to be useful think of a way I can store the medical records without inmates getting a chance to rifle through them.

voice and private

[captain-jtkirk.livejournal.com]

Put the information on your PADD and then either keep it on you at all times or lock it in your room.

It could probably even reprogrammed so only you can access the files on it.

voice and private

[hyposprayed.livejournal.com]

It's not secure enough, some of the information could be dangerous in some raging inmate's hands.

I'll ask Chekov what he can do about encrypting it. Sometimes it feels like we're working inside a damned computer with all this nonsense.

voice and private

[captain-jtkirk.livejournal.com]

Too bad Scotty isn't here. He'd have a field day with that.

You could... write it in code too. Just in case anyone ever hacked it.

voice and private

[hyposprayed.livejournal.com]

Hell, he would have thanked me for asking the favor.

I'm a doctor man, not a damned linguist- or a grade schooler making secret codes. I'll keep the PADD with me, I doubt half these fools could work their way around it well enough to consider hacking.

voice and private

[captain-jtkirk.livejournal.com]

What if someone seduces you and steals it and just happened to be a genius with technology?

voice and private

[hyposprayed.livejournal.com]

I'll keep an eye on the moral character of the people who try to seduce me.

voice and private

[captain-jtkirk.livejournal.com]

Wait, I forgot who I was talking to.

The information's in safe hands.

voice and private

[hyposprayed.livejournal.com]

Meaning I think with my head instead of other parts on my anatomy, so yes Jim, it's safe.

voice and private

[captain-jtkirk.livejournal.com]

Meaning that you never use your private parts, so they've probably fallen off by now and so you can't be seduced at all.

voice and private

[hyposprayed.livejournal.com]

I know this may be a hard concept for you to wrap your thick skull around but said parts don't break if you fail to use them for a day.

voice and private

[captain-jtkirk.livejournal.com]

I'm pretty sure they break after three years. That's how long it's been since the ex right?

voice and private

[hyposprayed.livejournal.com]

You're buying yourself another vaccine there farm boy.

voice and private

[captain-jtkirk.livejournal.com]

[He adopts that terrible Southern drawl again, just for this one line:]

I'm Doctor Bones and I stab people with needles because I'm sexually frustrated and I really like to take it out on Jim because he's so much better looking then me.

voice and private

[hyposprayed.livejournal.com]

Stick to your day job of angering mobs and twirling in that chair of yours, psychiatry isn't doing it for you kid. And what did I tell you before about butchering that accent?

voice and private

[captain-jtkirk.livejournal.com]

[Accent's still there but now even MORE terrible.]

You know, you're goin' to ruin your ability to perform surgery if you keep abusin' your right hand like that.

voice and private

[hyposprayed.livejournal.com]

[he just groans at how painful it is.] What are you, twelve? Jim, if you do that accent one more time I am threatening Chekov with physicals until he leads me right to you.

voice and private

[captain-jtkirk.livejournal.com]

[MORE ACCENT. With a dash of something like Jamaican thrown in.]

Ensign Chekov's safe from your tomfoolery, man.