captain_jtkirk | .044 - someone is just wishing to die

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.044 - someone is just wishing to die

There is no fucking way.

Fuck this again.

And fuck all of you.

I'm not him. I will never be him.

[Private to Shego]

You--[please don't be affected, please don't be Miss Go and know the bad Kirk :C] Where are you?

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[Well she's not really sure what your game is, possibly-evil Kirk, but she's coming. Knock knock knock.]

[No game, codependent life partner. Only love. Kirk answers the door and if he didn't know she was affected before then, that outfit would have told him all he needed to know.]

"Come in."

[In turn, she gives Kirk a wary look because she doesn't think she's ever seen him so clean-shaven and non-scowly. Doesn't prove anything, though - she can't afford herself the luxury of thinking it does. She steps over the threshold, looking instinctively for some sign of what his next move might be.]

I haven't done anything today, Captain.

[Politely defiant.]

"Call me Jim."

He hesitates for a second and ultimately decides to keep his distance from her. Because it might kill him to see her flinch and he doesn't want to freak her out.

"There's a flood on, you know that?"

"I guess so? I talked to someone who was acting kind of strange," giving no names because this could still be a trap. "He said he knew the old me."

"I know the old you too." He really didn't care about names at the moment. Though later he'd want to know who it was so he could help protect them from the crazy people.

"I'm not your Kirk. I don't work for the Empire."

"He isn't my Kirk," she said, her voice almost unnoticeably tight. That he wasn't the Kirk she knew wasn't immediately reassuring - any change had to be an improvement, but 'different' didn't necessarily mean 'less casually sadistic'.

"The Kirk you know then. I'm nothing like him." He was getting a little repetitive with that, but it was more for his own benefit than anyone else. He needed to keep reminding himself that he wasn't the other man. Better to just kill the line of thought than find out where it would take him this time around.

"Oh." She hesitated a moment. "What's the other Shego like? The one you know."

It wasn't much of a test - her Inmate file probably gave a rundown of who she'd been before the Attitudinator incident - but more than anything she wanted to know if his assessment roughly matched Mozenrath's.

He thought it was a little strange that she was just... accepting it so easily. But for the moment he didn't care. Mostly because she wasn't running in fear of him.

"In a word? Sassy."

Really, she had come to one of two conclusions. Either this was an elaborate test of Kirk's, in which case there wasn't much she could do about it and noncompliance would just make him angrier - or he really was some other, vastly nicer Kirk and she was safe with him. Not that she'd be safe when the flood ended and her Kirk remembered all this.

But she wasn't afraid of him. He could hurt her and threaten her and take her powers so she couldn't defend herself, whatever he wanted, but it would never make her afraid of him.

"Is she happy?"

This had been a more contentious point on her conversation with Mozenrath and now she was curious.

"I think as happy as you can get living on a prison ship where you're subjected to life altering floods every week or so."

She gave a little nod and a flash of a smile. "Well, good for her! I don't remember ever being all that happy when I was Old Me. I guess if she has a nice Kirk, it helps."

"Don't let her hear you say that." He's pretty sure she's going to remember all of this later. And he might tease her with it months into the future. "What do you mean, when you were old you?"

Hm. This again.

"You know, old me. Grouchy, sarcastic, no friends, made this face all the time." She settled into a half-scowl, one eyebrow arched.

Kirk misses that face more than he can say right now. "Well, the Shego I know has friends, whether she'll admit it or not. But how did you get to be like you are now then?"

"Hmm. Did she ever tell you about the Attitudinator? Makes good people bad, bad people good, that kind of thing?"

"Briefly. I wasn't sure if that had happened to you or not. But I'm guessing it has and you didn't change back?"

"Exactly! It got all smashed up after my brothers got fixed, and then nobody could find Dr. Bortel to make a new one. So..." A little shrug. "I stayed the same."

She is... way too chipper about that. "And that doesn't bother you at all?"

"Hmm. I guess it did a little bit at first? But I was happier than I was after it happened than I ever was before. Even if they had found a new Attitudinator, I wouldn't have wanted to use it."

"The Shego I know would hate that. She'd want to be her own person."

She smiled tightly.

"The Captain I know doesn't think I have the right to exist either. But that's okay. I'm still my own person, I'm just a little bit different."

Ah hell. Don't compare him to the crazy Kirk.

"I didn't mean it like that. I just don't think you can hit a button and change someone like that. That's why my Barge exists."

"Well, sure you can! Just look at me. Maybe you think they shouldn't, but that's something different. I'm happier being a good guy than I ever was being a bad guy, so I don't think it matters all that much how I got here."

.044 - someone is just wishing to die

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