captain_jtkirk | .044 - someone is just wishing to die

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.044 - someone is just wishing to die

There is no fucking way.

Fuck this again.

And fuck all of you.

I'm not him. I will never be him.

[Private to Shego]

You--[please don't be affected, please don't be Miss Go and know the bad Kirk :C] Where are you?

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"I think as happy as you can get living on a prison ship where you're subjected to life altering floods every week or so."

She gave a little nod and a flash of a smile. "Well, good for her! I don't remember ever being all that happy when I was Old Me. I guess if she has a nice Kirk, it helps."

"Don't let her hear you say that." He's pretty sure she's going to remember all of this later. And he might tease her with it months into the future. "What do you mean, when you were old you?"

Hm. This again.

"You know, old me. Grouchy, sarcastic, no friends, made this face all the time." She settled into a half-scowl, one eyebrow arched.

Kirk misses that face more than he can say right now. "Well, the Shego I know has friends, whether she'll admit it or not. But how did you get to be like you are now then?"

"Hmm. Did she ever tell you about the Attitudinator? Makes good people bad, bad people good, that kind of thing?"

"Briefly. I wasn't sure if that had happened to you or not. But I'm guessing it has and you didn't change back?"

"Exactly! It got all smashed up after my brothers got fixed, and then nobody could find Dr. Bortel to make a new one. So..." A little shrug. "I stayed the same."

She is... way too chipper about that. "And that doesn't bother you at all?"

"Hmm. I guess it did a little bit at first? But I was happier than I was after it happened than I ever was before. Even if they had found a new Attitudinator, I wouldn't have wanted to use it."

"The Shego I know would hate that. She'd want to be her own person."

She smiled tightly.

"The Captain I know doesn't think I have the right to exist either. But that's okay. I'm still my own person, I'm just a little bit different."

Ah hell. Don't compare him to the crazy Kirk.

"I didn't mean it like that. I just don't think you can hit a button and change someone like that. That's why my Barge exists."

"Well, sure you can! Just look at me. Maybe you think they shouldn't, but that's something different. I'm happier being a good guy than I ever was being a bad guy, so I don't think it matters all that much how I got here."

This Shego completely creeps him out.

"It matters. Brain washing isn't motivation."

"I think we might have to agree to disagree, Captain. I have everything Old Me ever wanted but couldn't get, so...if I got changed back now, I don't know how much she'd appreciate that."

"You didn't get the choice. I think she'd appreciate that more than anything."

"If I'm on your Barge as well then I die either way, right? Do you think she'd rather be here and choose to be a Warden?"

"She wouldn't be a Warden here. She's not like them, she's not like the Inmates on my Barge either."

Shego looked faintly incredulous. "She has to be enough like them to be an Inmate to start with, though, right?"

"Two years ago, she sort of was. She's gotten better. She has friends and is in a long term relationship. She isn't a bad person."

"Oh, that's so sweet!" She beamed for a moment, but it faded. "But she hasn't graduated?"

"We're still working on some stuff. It takes time. Not a magic button."

While Shego's frothing with incandescent rage after the flood, she will look back on the idea that she and Kirk are 'working on some stuff' and laugh. Very briefly.

"I bet she'll graduate when she gets that she can't keep her friends if she's doing bad stuff all the time."

"I'll keep that advice in mind."

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.044 - someone is just wishing to die

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