captain_jtkirk | .013 - lol he still didn't miss you Barge

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.013 - lol he still didn't miss you Barge

So.

What'd you crazy kids get up to while I was gone?

Shego, you can stop sticking your Kirk shaped voodoo doll with pins now.

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"Because it was weird as fuck interacting with them."

[She rolled her eyes a bit at the language, but Paddy had cured her of that already anyway.]

Weird how?

"They don't remember." [Kirk paused to take a drink.] "Or they do and they're really good about not giving any indication about it. And I don't think McCoy is that good of a liar. It was awkward. And I was scared I was going to forget all over again."

[Uhura waved a hand about vaguely.] Once you've been through all of this, Jim, it's different. It's all different. Things change and you can't really...come back from that. They don't understand and they won't. Ever.

"I don't want to forget about this place again. And I think that's just what happens when you go back home."

[At that, she finished her drink in a hurry.] Maybe that's the big secret. [She moved away from him a bit, leaning against a tree.]

Maybe the Admiral is just cruel about that.

"Then what's the point of bringing us here? To help people we won't end up remembering and traumatizing us in the process? No wonder he has to bribe people with deals because only the insane would do this for free."

Maybe it doesn't happen to everyone? Maybe just certain people for certain reasons? [She really didn't have the answer to that.]

[If Kirk was being logical, he could see why the crew of the Enterprise might be better off not remembering. Since they had so much on their plates, worrying about things they couldn't help would just distract them. And their mission had their own PTSD to deal with.]

"It's not fair."

How do you know it's not fair? [It wasn't clear to her when she started to take the other side of the argument, but there she was. And she couldn't really stand down now.]

[Later Kirk would deny this conversation ever happened. And that he was clearly intoxicated.]

"Because I don't want to be the only half of a relationship that remembers it going to shit and it makes me so mad to think that someday I'm going to go back and it will be like nothing ever happened."

[Well now that was unexpected.]

Jim, what are you talking about?

[Jim shook his head slightly and wouldn't meet her eye. He'd always been shit about talking about his emotions.]

"Nothing. I'm just... forget I said anything."

[Placing her glass in a tree, she reached up to cup his cheeks in her hands.]

Jim. Talk to me. What happened?

[Jim still didn't look up and after a long pause when he finally started talking it was hardly above a whisper.] "We weren't boyfriends or any stupid shit like that. But--I don't know. He never said bye or anything and I just. I'm so mad at him for something he doesn't even remember so I can't hold it against him really."

[She wrapped her arms around his neck in a hug.] No, you can't. But it doesn't make it easier, does it?

[Jim nodded stiffly and didn't really return the hug. Not because he didn't want to but because he just struggled with his feelings and expressing them to people.]

"I feel like I don't really have my best friend anymore and that's the worse part."

[She stepped back and looked up to him.] You still have people here who care about you.

"I know. And I appreciate every single one of them. It's just different with Bones." [Because Bones was his first real friend and that's pretty special.]

[She put a hand to his cheek again, just for a moment and then started to walk again.]

I know it's not the same. Believe me. [She just wanted to tell him that it would be alright, but she knew that was a lie. She had been through this already...and it was hard.]

[Kirk stood there for a few seconds, just staring at the ground before he forced himself to take a deep breath, pick up his head and follow her.] "I would've punched Spock for you if I could've thought of a solid reason to do it."

[She just laughed softly and shook her head.] There's no reason to, Jim. Really. Spock didn't do anything wrong. [Well, sort of.]

"Yeah, whatever." [Kirk gave her a small smile.] "I'll find a reason to punch him someday. It's Spock."

[She stood on her toes and gave him a kiss on the cheek. Alcohol made her a little less wary of that.]

No, you won't. You focus on other things.

"But it's way too easy to focus on ways to beat the shit out of Doctor McCoy."

.013 - lol he still didn't miss you Barge

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