captain_jtkirk | .073 - Kirk never has anything useful to say

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.073 - Kirk never has anything useful to say

I have been here for a year now.

That's twelve months. Three hundred and sixty five days and I think about another eight hours. I'm not really sure on that one.

Point is... I need a drink. Or fifty.

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[Kirk scowled at him.] "Are you two gossiping about me now?"

"On the contrary. She expressed her concern to me and I agreed with her. I doubt she would have mentioned it if it did not worry her."

[Kirk really didn't like the idea of two of his senior officers talking about him. In the sense that they were talking about what was going wrong with him.]

"I'm fine. I'm not allowed to have one night of drinking? I'm not on duty. This isn't Enterprise."

"I never meant to insinuate that it was, Captain. You are free to do whatever you choose, just as you always have been."

"Then why are you here?"

"An excellent question and one I do not know the answer to."

[It was only a little apparent on his face, but Spock was actually getting frustrated talking to Kirk. And for a Vulcan that said a lot.]

"I will inform Lieutenant Uhura that you appear to be good health."

[With his hands clasped behind his back, he turned toward the door.]

"I am in good health. I'm fine. Hungover but fine."

"Fine has variable definitions, Captain."

[Kirk let out a frustrated sigh.]

"At the risk of sounding horribly dramatic... you wouldn't understand."

"And yet we will never know unless you tell me." [He turned back to face Kirk again.] "It is quite a conundrum."

"Do you know what I was like before Starfleet, Spock?"

"I was never informed on the specifics of your background."

"I have a criminal record. In Iowa. Well I imagine that Starfleet did everything in it's power to expunge it after my promotion since it doesn't look good for the Captain of their flagship to be a criminal. Pike called me the only genius level repeat offender in the Midwest once." [He smiled just a bit at that because he really admired Pike for what he did.]

"There are some days when I want that back."

"You would consciously choose to return to a life of a petty criminal? I am sorry, Captain, but that does not seem like an ideal choice."

"I'm aware of that." [Because ever since he was eight, people have been telling him that he's been wasting his potential in some way or another.]

"But I like it. I like it a lot and that's never going to change, I think."

[Spock crossed his arms.] "Then what is stopping you from taking up that life again?"

"I like Enterprise more. I like being the Captain. I like the crew." [Jim shrugs.] "Bones is really good at keeping me grounded."

[He's taking a wild guess.] "And now that he is not here, you are ungrounded."

[Kirk makes a wild gesture. He's never been very good at articulating his feelings.]

"It's just-- I don't-- I don't like what I'm feeling. I'd rather go back to drinking and bar fights than suffer through it."

[Spock knows he probably sounds like his father, but still, this has to be said.] "Suffering is a part of life and something every species must go through. You cannot escape it no matter how many bar fights you have or drinks you consume."

[Jim just laughs bitterly, pressing his fingers against his skull for a few moments, trying to fight off that headache.] "It worked well enough for 22 years."

[He sighs and shakes his head a little bit.]

"It's fine, Spock. I'll deal with it."

"The more you say 'fine', Captain, the more I do not believe you."

"That's really going to make the next five years extremely difficult." [Kirk comments.]

"What do I have to do to get you to believe me then?"

"I am your First Officer, which also makes me your principal adviser. As such, that means you can confide in me with anything."

[The offer felt awkward to Spock, but surprisingly he meant it.]

[Kirk makes that same agitated wild gesture.] "I wouldn't even know where to start if I even liked talking about it. Which I don't."

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