captain_jtkirk | .073 - Kirk never has anything useful to say

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.073 - Kirk never has anything useful to say

I have been here for a year now.

That's twelve months. Three hundred and sixty five days and I think about another eight hours. I'm not really sure on that one.

Point is... I need a drink. Or fifty.

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"I like Enterprise more. I like being the Captain. I like the crew." [Jim shrugs.] "Bones is really good at keeping me grounded."

[He's taking a wild guess.] "And now that he is not here, you are ungrounded."

[Kirk makes a wild gesture. He's never been very good at articulating his feelings.]

"It's just-- I don't-- I don't like what I'm feeling. I'd rather go back to drinking and bar fights than suffer through it."

[Spock knows he probably sounds like his father, but still, this has to be said.] "Suffering is a part of life and something every species must go through. You cannot escape it no matter how many bar fights you have or drinks you consume."

[Jim just laughs bitterly, pressing his fingers against his skull for a few moments, trying to fight off that headache.] "It worked well enough for 22 years."

[He sighs and shakes his head a little bit.]

"It's fine, Spock. I'll deal with it."

"The more you say 'fine', Captain, the more I do not believe you."

"That's really going to make the next five years extremely difficult." [Kirk comments.]

"What do I have to do to get you to believe me then?"

"I am your First Officer, which also makes me your principal adviser. As such, that means you can confide in me with anything."

[The offer felt awkward to Spock, but surprisingly he meant it.]

[Kirk makes that same agitated wild gesture.] "I wouldn't even know where to start if I even liked talking about it. Which I don't."

"I believe the best place to start would be the beginning." [The corner of his mouth twitched a little like he was smirking.]

"So my dad died." [That was the beginning, Spock. That was how much of a hot mess Kirk's life has been.]

"Yes. He sacrificed himself to save the entire ship. An admirable quality."

[Kirk didn't say anything for a long moment before he just shook his head lightly.] "Yes, it is. For a Starfleet officer."

[Spock was a little confused.] "Do you disagree with his decision?"

[Read up on human emotions, Spock. Particularly abandonment and resentment,] "No, as Captain, I would make the same decision. But I also don't have a family."

[Spock nodded.] "That is a valid point. However, is it possible your father had no other choice? Did you mother ever speak of it to you?"

"We don't talk about George Kirk in that house." [Mostly because his mom would just cry half the time and Sam would clam up as well. Which just left Jim, with no memories of the guy and a legacy to live up to that he didn't want.]

"But I've read Starfleet's reports and Pike's dissertation and I've listened to the transmissions. Tactically, it makes sense but when it's your dad, you don't really give a shit about that. You just care that he was never there and you've had to spend your whole life fighting against his shadow anyway."

"I am afraid I don't understand, Captain. Why do you feel you must fight against his shadow?"

"I've been George Kirk's son more than I've been James T. Kirk. We look a lot alike, which doesn't help." [Seriously, Spock you need to be around humans more.] "It's why I stayed away from Starfleet as long as I did. I don't want to be compared to him."

[Spock can't help that he had no human friends at the Academy besides Uhura.] "I do not think that will be a problem for you any longer. You have earned your captaincy in your own right. Your father had little influence over that."

"Yeah I just had to kill the guy who killed my dad to get there." [Kirk sounded a little bitter at that. But he knew that his captaincy wasn't based on his dad's reputation. The Admirals weren't that insane.]

"I told you I like being a Captain more. It's the same thing."

"If I recall correctly, it was not your decision alone to show Nero no mercy." [Yeah, that's right, Spock's not gonna let you take all the credit for that.]

"And as for preferring captaining, perhaps it would be best not to dwell on a path you turned from when you chose to join Starfleet."

"Can't I just... be a space pirate and be done with it?" [Kirk asked. Yeah, he was turning the conversation from something pretty heavy, for him at least, to something stupid.]

"It's like the best of both worlds."

[Spock recognized this change of topic but let it pass. If Kirk wasn't in the mood to talk about it anymore, then so be it.] "As an officer of Starfleet it would be my duty to arrest you."

"I'd like to see you try." [Kirk retorted, slipping his fingers through his hair.] "Besides, it'd be more fun with me anyway."

.073 - Kirk never has anything useful to say

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