captain_jtkirk | .044 - someone is just wishing to die

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.044 - someone is just wishing to die

There is no fucking way.

Fuck this again.

And fuck all of you.

I'm not him. I will never be him.

[Private to Shego]

You--[please don't be affected, please don't be Miss Go and know the bad Kirk :C] Where are you?

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[You don't get Enterprise by being stupid.]

If I gave you a phaser, would you use it on him?

I just asked for my force lance. But considering my warden turned tail and ran the first time I tried to come to him, a phaser wouldn't be objectionable.

[Kirk assumes that Rhade lives in the same place as on the Barge he knows. And as this will bump him back down to only having one phaser again, he doesn't care. He knocks softly.]

[He opens the door a smidge. His room is still the same. There aren't any weapons, because the Doctor never gave him more than his boneblades to defend himself with.

After confirming that it's Kirk, he opens it the rest of his way. Facial hair. Slicked back hair. Black tidy outfit. Someone's been doing his best to look the part so he gets left alone.

He backs a few steps away to give him all the leeway he wants. If it turns out that this is an elaborate trick, he wants to be able to put up his defenses and prepare himself.]

[Kirk wishes that this whole thing was a prank. Then he wouldn't feel so close to a nervous breakdown just because he was compared to the other Kirk, the one who works for the Empire and reminds this James Kirk too much of himself.]

"If I give you this, you have to swear to use it on no one but him."

[That gives him pause. And he looks off to a corner. He's no stranger to lying. But... not if Kirk could remember it. Not if he took this with him.

He rubs his mouth nervously.]

"I can't do that." [He smooths his hand over his hair.] "I can't make that promise."

"I would do it myself if we ever came face to face. But we won't, because of the flood. I'm not propagating anyone else getting hurt."

"You're not the only one who does it to me."

[Just the one who does the most often.]

[Jim winces, just a little bit. It's a slip of the tongue, he hopes but even being compared to the other Kirk makes him shudder.]

"Who are they?"

[It is, fortunately. His eyes dart in the direction of Una's room, next door, but he doesn't say any names though.]

"It doesn't matter. I can take it. I'm surviving. You're worried about other people getting hurt? So am I."

"So you offer yourself as a punching bag?"

"Offer myself?" [He actually raises his voice a bit.] "Offer myself?"

[He bites his lower lip up between his teeth for a moment. Then shakes his head.] "Captain. If you know that man like you say you do, like you insist you could never be, you know he takes who he wants as a 'punching bag'.

I asked for help. My warden fled. Friends and associates have discovered it. They've died in my name, and it stopped nothing. Not from him or from anyone else. They just died and suffered uselessly. So yes, I offer myself." [Such a disgusting word. He nearly chokes on it.]

"I'm not taking the phaser. He's going to be angry enough."

[That was a stupid thing to say. Kirk realized it after it was already out of his mouth and he couldn't do anything but wince. He hates that he can't do anything tangible about this. He'd kill the other Kirk himself if he could, and not lose any sleep over it but this is a flood and they'll never meet face to face. Maybe it wasn't a very good person thing to do but he didn't care.]

"Take the phaser. Defend yourself. That's the best I can do for you."

[He manages to calm himself, but calming himself is almost as exhausting as the anger. So he sits down heavily in the nearest chair, nearly missing it.

He shakes his head again.]

"You want him dead? Give it to someone who can stand to waste the lives on him. I can't do it anymore." [At least, maybe if he does this, when the other Kirk returns he'll be so lulled by Rhade's acquiescence toward him that he could shove his boneblades into his eyes.]

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.044 - someone is just wishing to die

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