.033 - [audio]

[captain_jtkirk]

[Kirk and Shego have the strangest conversations. And since he left in the middle of one, that is exactly where he's coming back, which is now gloriously broadcast to all.]

--ring dream that the Enterprise is being eaten by an octopus in space and for whatever reason, Tim is there and all he can say is 'that is so cool' like it's the realization of all his hopes and dreams. And I consider pushing him out of an airlock. Is that weird?

[Pausepause]

Shego?

Sheeeego?

It's rude to start ignoring me in the middle of a conversation, you know. We can start manners camp all over again.

Comments

[gotgreenmagic.livejournal.com]

[She offers him a hand without really thinking about it.]

I don't know. It was - something came on board and it kind of...changed us. I mean, everybody. Nobody remembers the actual something all that well, it's like it just left this hole in my memory where I used to know about it.

[captain-jtkirk.livejournal.com]

[Kirk grunted as he more or less pulled himself to his feet with her help. Then he leaned on her heavily because it was her own fault he didn't feel like standing on his own.]

"So you kicked me because you can't remember something? I'm taking away Tim. And you're spending forever in zero."

[gotgreenmagic.livejournal.com]

"You can't do either of those things, and I kicked you because I thought you left. I mean, 'deliberately stepped out'-type left. Clearly you didn't, so, I'm sorry. Still." And the 'changed' bit of that statement was so obviously more important than the 'can't remember' part that she wasn't even going to point it out.

[captain-jtkirk.livejournal.com]

"You could've just asked," Kirk retorted before sighing. "You never apologize to me. So you're really in a bad place, aren't you?"

[gotgreenmagic.livejournal.com]

She shrugs. "It's easier to ask forgiveness than permission, right?" Because asking someone whether they deliberately ran away is exactly the same as asking permission to kick them in the balls. But the question just makes her frown and look away.

"It's...it's been worse." Read: yes.

[captain-jtkirk.livejournal.com]

"And better," Jim quipped, leaning more heavily on her for a moment. Because he would rank dying or being tortured as worse and she didn't mention either of those. "Can we sit down? And then you can try explaining that to me again?"

[gotgreenmagic.livejournal.com]

Shego sat down on the edge of his bed and presumably he came along too if he was leaning on her.

"I can't exactly work out what the guy's damage was, but as I far as I can tell he was trying to....fix people. It varied a lot, but some people got...I dunno, nicer, more relaxed. T'Pol smiled a whole lot. It was kind of freaky." She ran her hands through her hair. "And I know you're thinking that doesn't seem too bad but I remembered so much differently, and no matter what the end result is I am not okay with having something pick through my memories and decide I could use an upgrade."

[captain-jtkirk.livejournal.com]

Ah sitting. So glorious. He kept his arm around her shoulders just for the hell of it or for comfort.

"Nah, I'd hate it if someone decided to up and fix me too. Especially if I didn't remember it. And you know I nag but that's different."

[gotgreenmagic.livejournal.com]

"Yeah." She frowned. "I don't - was that worded badly? I remember nearly all of it. Literally the only thing I don't remember is anything much about the guy or thing or whatever who actually made it happen. That's gone. I mean, I remember talking to him, I even remember letting him into my room," a pause there, because Shego could almost count the number of people she'd ever let into her cabin on one hand, "I just don't remember his name or what he looked like or anything he said."

[captain-jtkirk.livejournal.com]

Jim just frowned at that because it was one thing to know something happened and then not remember it but quite another to experience what she was talking about.

"Maybe it's better that way."

[gotgreenmagic.livejournal.com]

"How could it possibly be better that way?" But after a moment she just sighed and relented. "Maybe. Whatever, all I know is that I feel like people are going to remember Other Me and think Regular Me doesn't measure up all that well." That hurt to say and she didn't bother hiding it.

[captain-jtkirk.livejournal.com]

Kirk gave her shoulders a quick squeeze in response to that. Because he knew exactly how she felt when it came to stuff like that. "No one is going to do that. Because it wasn't really you. And if they do, then I'll punch them for you."

[gotgreenmagic.livejournal.com]

"Appreciate it." She leaned into him, still moping more than a little. "So you didn't go anywhere at all? You just...popped out of existence for a month?"

[captain-jtkirk.livejournal.com]

That's right, lean on Papa Kirk. "I guess," he shrugged a little. "I don't remember going anywhere but maybe I did. Maybe the space octopus is real."

[gotgreenmagic.livejournal.com]

"Creepy." She frowned, then forced out the next words: "I'm sorry I assumed you just left and made it look like you didn't have a choice."

[captain-jtkirk.livejournal.com]

Jim gave her shoulders another squeeze because he recognized that was not said easily. Because she never apologized to him unless she absolutely felt like she had to. "If I ever choose to leave again, you'll know about it beforehand," he promised her. "And you know that at this point, I'd only go if it was an emergency."

[gotgreenmagic.livejournal.com]

"Yeah. I know. But it's easier to know that in theory than believe it in practice, Cap'n."

She hesitated, fidgeting. This had felt like a good run of humiliating emotional overexposure and, well, he'd proven himself in the past as being able to let their conversations not go further than the two of them.

"...There's something else. I mean, it's not a big deal but it happened."

[captain-jtkirk.livejournal.com]

Not a big deal? That was never a good preface. "What happened?"

[gotgreenmagic.livejournal.com]

"Some stuff happened with me and Tim. I..." She leaned forward, staring at the floor. "The way that I changed last week, I...I was cool with saying stuff that right now I'm not. And he asked me if I still meant what I said and I just...I couldn't say it." And then, a little bitterly: "But he could."

[captain-jtkirk.livejournal.com]

Ah. Kirk is also an expert in this kind of thing too. "Saying stuff is overrated if you ask me. Does he know you mean it? If you even do, I mean. How did he react when you guys talked?"

[gotgreenmagic.livejournal.com]

She had no idea if she meant it. She had no idea what it was supposed to mean, how it was meant to feel. And she especially didn't know why putting words to it was so goddamn important.

"I don't know, okay? I kinda....stopped talking. And I haven't heard from him since then." Tim's drunken misadventures still being a glimmer on the horizon at this point.

[captain-jtkirk.livejournal.com]

"Well. As not good as completely ignoring him is, I think you should figure it out for yourself before you can say anything to him. And if he's worth anything, he'll respect that. And if he doesn't, I'm going to shoot him."

[gotgreenmagic.livejournal.com]

That eventually forced a small smile out of her.

"This is like the twentieth time you've threatened to shoot him for something. You're never gonna get to actually do it."

[captain-jtkirk.livejournal.com]

"Little bastard. He'd probably think it was the coolest thing ever to be shot by Captain Kirk too. Which completely ruins the point." Jim tipped his head to rest against hers for a moment. "I think you care about him, for what it's worth. And I think he knows that."

[gotgreenmagic.livejournal.com]

She elbowed him in the ribs but there wasn't much feeling behind it. "I know that. He knows that. I just don't get why he needs me to staple a word to it like that'll make it more official."