Your response to at least one ice monster was to run away screaming and hide in a cave until somebody older and more responsible dealt with it. How is this helping your argument?

Cap'n, if this bugs you so much, why don't you drop a line to every woman you've ever slept with and check? Take a week off the Barge and go home to do it, I totally won't be mad. Hey, I'll even give you a freebie to start off: I have never had any kids, least of all yours.