captain_jtkirk | .003 - food for thought

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.003 - food for thought

If out of sight is out of mind, then how does absence make the heart grow fonder?

[Private to T'Pol]

I have an odd question for you.

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[Jim laughs under his breath, though the sound lacks any humor. He takes the glass of water from her, sips at it a little and then puts it off to the side.]

"And what do you think of me now?"

[T'Pol pauses before she answers, considering him and those emotions, and memories, and feelings.]

I think you're very human. [And look, she's not even saying it like an insult!]

[Kirk... isn't sure if he should be taking that as an insult though. But he still isn't looking directly at her.]

"I'm the Captain of a starship. I can't... I can't afford to be that human." [And how he said that was definitely as an insult.]

[That gets an arched eyebrow and a tilt of her head. oh, Kirk.] Would you prefer to act as an Andorian captain? [She's got an Archerism lined up for you, Jim.]

"I think that'd be too much blue in my life." [Kirk retorted, almost snotty but just on the right side of it without tipping over into it.]

You cannot be a human captain without behaving as a human does. It is very clear that you have grown. [He wasn't the sixteen year old in the bar fight, and he wasn't the man who decided to leave the ship. Growing up happens.]

"Is it?" [Kirk asked, finally turning his sharp gaze to her.]

"I can't say that I wouldn't do the same thing again if presented with the same situation now. And would you follow a man like that?"

I followed a man who occasionally ignored my advice so that he would learn lessons for himself. [She arches an eyebrow.] He was not always the captain he is now; you are younger than he was, James. [Names. Names mean shit's serious, son.]

I believe there is a - 'learning curve?'

[Jim starts laughing at that, passing his hand over his face in a resigned sort of way.]

"I looked her in the eye for months and said I wasn't going to give up on her and I did. That's not a learning curve. It's not a one time mistake. It's the person I am."

Will you make more promises you cannot keep? [She tilts her head a little, looking at him thoughtfully. T'Pol isn't really sure how to comfort him.]

[Kirk didn't answer that immediately. He spent a good long while staring at his fingernails, the muscle in his jaw working and then locking up the more he thought about it.]

"I don't know."

Perhaps you should find an answer, then, before you make any promises.

"Then I don't deserve to be a Warden here or a Captain back home, if I can't make anyone a promise."

[That she arches an eyebrow at.] And yet, you're both. [That's gotta mean something.]

[It doesn't really mean a lot to a guy who thinks he fails at life because he got overwhelmed once and made a selfish call because of it.]

"What would you do if you were me?"

[Well that's a tough question. Both eyebrows rise.] I would avoid making a bigger 'deal' of the situation than is necessary. [She thinks he's going to sulk. That won't do anyone any good.]

[Well, he's already sulking about it, so good try.]

"Well I'm not a Vulcan, so that might not work out."

You asked my advice. [God, stop acting like Archer.] Stop sulking.

"I'm brooding. It's different."

[And she's arching an eyebrow. Is it, Jim, really?] In what way?

[It is. Because he said so.]

"It's manlier."

[...That's officially too ridiculous for her to have an answer to. So. Just going to look on skeptically.]

[Fine. You hobgoblin.]

"I can't ask anyone to forgive me for it because I don't think I can forgive myself."

Then perhaps you should atone for your actions, instead of apologize for them.

"How?"

.003 - food for thought

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