captain_jtkirk | .020 - [Filtered to McCoy]

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.020 - [Filtered to McCoy]

Bones, Bones, Bones.

I have a medical emergency in my pants.

Come save me.

[ooc: Someone is sexually frustrated and bored and so it all goes on Bones. I'd say sorry... BUT I'M NOT.]

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"Better watch out, Bones, I might rape you in your sleep."

[Jim laughs softly under his breath. He wants to point out that the CMO of the fleet's flagship is not exactly something to scoff at but he doesn't.]

"Have you ever had a one night stand?"

[McCoy rolls his eyes, resisting the urge to kick Jim and start a shoving war. He was damned close.] Glad to see those accusations did nothing to curb your sense of humor.

Of course I have. [He snorts, reaching for the bottle again.] This isn't the damned 18th century.

"If I can't laugh about it, then it means that she won."

[Jim downs his shot finally and holds out his glass expectantly.]

"Alright then. If you haven't gotten laid in like four years, and you believe in one night stands... what's the problem again?"

It's not a war Jim.

[He sighs as he fills Kirk's drink.] One night stands are with people who mutually agree not to see each other the next day, or the day after.

"So what do you have against fuck buddies?"

Why are you so god damned persistent? [His tone is exasperated.]

[Jim smiles easily.]

"Have you looked in a mirror?"

[Withering. Look.] Yes, to enjoy all the premature age lines you give me.

"By your logic, we could have sex and then you'd never have to see me again."

No Jim, by my logic you're worth more to me than a quick fuck.

[Jim doesn't have an immediately snappy retort. It's something of a foreign concept to him to have someone just be interested in being his friend who didn't start off as his enemy. And he really doesn't have a lot of experience in people sticking around.]

"It doesn't have to be quick, Bones."

[It might be the alcohol but Bones actually laughs at that, rubbing his forehead as it dies down quickly enough.] Jesus and Mary preserve me from shameless, hot shot captains and their damned whims.

Not everything is some sort of game or test Jim.

"Yeah, it is, Bones."

[The best analogy for his mind is that it's just a large chessboard and everyone else is the opposing team and even though he sacrifices, he's going to win in the end.]

"And the sooner you realize that I always win, the better it'll be for you."

[Bones raises a brow.] I can't believe we're having this fucking discussion. No, Jim, it's not a game, I'm not a game or a distraction from your boredom. There are plenty of idiots on this ship to 'win' against. I'm sure someone here would appreciate your warped philosophies.

"Nobody gets me like you do though, darlin'." [Jim pushes his bottom lip out towards a pout, trying not to ruin it by laughing.]

"I can't believe you're still putting up a fight."

I wouldn't want to rob you of the fun of the 'challenge.' [McCoy answers, dry as can be, expression one of 'I am not nearly drunk enough to deal with this.'] Get that look off your face or you're sleeping on the floor.

[Jim's pout becomes deeper and he adds a little bit of the puppy dog eyes to it as well. Always pushing his limits.]

"I have my own room, you know. I can go sleep there. Unless you want me to stay."

Not with that much whiskey in you you aren't. [He shoves in a general Kirk direction, sighing.] You're going to be the death of me kid.

[Kirk shoves right back, pretty drunk right now but also pretty certain that he could make it back to his room. While maybe even walking in a straight line.]

"No, your alcoholism and pessimism are going to kill you. I'm here to keep you alive and give your life meaning."

I am not a god damned alcoholic, and ever since I've met you it's one dangerous situation after another. Bar fights and shuttles and fucking aliens trying to skin us alive.

[Jim waves his hand idly in response to that, stretching out on the bed like a cat and like he owned it. He even pulls a pillow close to him and curls around it.]

"The latter two are purely the fault of Starfleet, Bones. As you met me after you signed up."

I am welling to bet a month's pay if I poll the lot of Starfleet and compare experiences upon joining I'll have made my point. [He answers, glancing over with a bemused look taking over his mildly irate one.] Comfy Jim?

"Everyone else is havin' three times less fun and you know it." [Kirk mumbles this into the pillow, nodding a little bit.] "Mmm, yep. Stalemate?"

And going to live three times longer. [He just gives Kirk a look that falters quickly enough, sighing as he sits on the edge of the bed.] Yeah kid, stalemate. Guess you don't win them all.

"M'gonna die young anyway. Might as well have some fun before that."

[And that's really all he has to say on the subject, as almost a minute later, he's fast asleep.]

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