captain_jtkirk | .048 - Kirk is obviously feeling better

[Private to Santa]

Santa,

I just want to make it clear that I hate this holiday. It's useless and I've never had a good one because my family is a total charade of caring and I see absolutely no point in celebrating the birth of someone that I don't even really believe in that much, nor does most of the Federation actually. Don't tell Bones. The official word is that I like St. Patrick's Day better because of the drinking.

But anyway, since we're chatting, here's some stuff you should bring people:

For Bones; a pair of handcuffs. Because anyone who bitches that much has to have a dominating side. And some lube because his right hand must have a lot of calluses on it by now.

For Uhura; a giant bag of condoms. Not a box. A bag. Like a grab bag of condoms. Glow in the dark, flavored, ribbed for her pleasure, special warming ones, get creative.

For Spock; the Vulcan version of the Kama Sutra. Put those condoms to good use.

For Shego; a book about how to explore her sexuality safely. Or some porn. Both. Get her both.

For Kahlan; massage oil because the best way to seduce a man is through sensual massage. Include that explanation.

For Annie; some naughty lingerie. Girl's gotta grow up sometime.

For T'Pol; a picture of that boy she's in love with.... naked.... and a vibrator. You know.

For Prefect; he doesn't actually like anyone touching him, so maybe just some nice candles and some fancy lotion.

For the Marquis; a sex whip. He seems the type.

That's all I can think.

And Merry Christmas to you, you son of a bitch.